STONEWALL

unemployed

2008-09-23T11:28:00.001-07:00

so i'm currently unemployed. i gave my resignation on friday and my last day was yesterday, it's sort of weird. i have lots of time to take my dog on walks so she can shit indoors. the futility of my efforts is oddly beautiful tho. i wish we could go everywhere together. i'd like to take her with me to the grocery right now. i love the grocery. i think it's wonderful. it's so clean and you know food is great and it's organic so you get to feel wholesome shopping there. it's quite nice. i wish i went more often and i could pay for the food with hugs. of course if the checker outer where gross-me-out i wouldn't want to hug so maybe money really is the best currency for those transactions.
glad we discussed that. i'm gonna go hug my puppy.

rambo

2008-07-17T13:39:00.001-07:00

rambo's a lez. in keeping with her mothers, she seems to have a penchant for breasts. she actually bit my nip the other day and chews on dev's bras all the time.
good girl.

nikes

2008-07-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

i've decided that i should start disrespecting my company's dress code. while others rarely take this approach, they leave early, come in late, and take 2-3 hour lunches. what is the most rewarding thing i could do at work that's technically frowned upon that, hitherto now, i've not done? SNEAKERS! oh yes my nike sneakers with bright green accents bring joy and harmony to my otherwise bleak office life. as my colleague notes, they glow in the dark...just like my heart does now in the darkness that is my life here.
as of yet no one but my disapproving friend and former superior have noticed.
"you're taking casual to an entirely new level."
oh yes, yes i am.

progress report

2008-06-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

we have to submit a progress report. mine will be empty. perhaps i should be worried about the ramifications.

blog

2008-06-06T07:29:00.001-07:00

i've been reading my emo blogs and they're really, exceptionally annoying. i sort of hate myself for even writing them and so have deleted them and vowed to never repeat that awful, indulgent bullshit.

subway

2008-06-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

i've started to find the subway even more depressing than i used to which is sort of a feat. i'm totally paranoid about being in the union square subway station because i read it's crawling with bed bugs. the rumor plagues me daily. will they jump on me? where are they located? should i really lean against this wall? how will i know if they do get on me? am i indeed going to carry these w/ me to bed? what do they look like? how would i even know if i had them? is that bite on my leg from them? what does a bite from a bed bug look like? how would i get rid of them if they had indeed gotten into my bed? could moses get them? am i really exposing myself to these threats every day? god forbid.

0:20

2008-05-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

moses must be tired. he voluntarily lied next to me in bed so i could pet him. this has never happened before. he's too good for this sort of thing. affection is beneath him as evinced by his biting me after putting his head in my hand.

patty griffin

2008-05-01T20:58:00.001-07:00

i used to listen to patty griffin's "long ride home" every single day on repeat. it is the best song. it really is. makes me sad.

vanilla

2008-04-24T13:42:00.001-07:00

work is like eating warm vanilla ice cream
it's not appealing
it's not novel
you don't want it

2008-04-18T06:02:00.001-07:00

"E Seader" (9:00:45 AM): you are disappointing

move

2008-04-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

so we're thinking about moving for lots of reasons. the landlord is miserable. having a studio is sort of annoying. the L is always having personal problems. etc. etc.
but you know, i think i'd be sad to go. the apartment's really pretty. i dunno. it'd be easier if someone just told you what to do and then you could blame them if it's the wrong decision. then again i can always blame moses. he's being very antisocial lately. maybe he's going through menopause. he has been having heat flashes.

group

2008-04-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

i really find my columbia group irksome. we have to write all these joint papers and they send them to me and they're always so 4th grade. for starters, everyone puts two spaces after a period. didn't this go out of fashion with typewriters? am i the only person who realizes this' an arcane, outmoded practice. it honestly just pisses me off. i was sort of nasty about it in my email this morning but what the fuck. i cannot be the only one aware of the sentence-space rule and i cannot continue to correct everyone's errors. it's basic.
as for the actual semantics of their prose, rudimentary is the kindest word i can use. they all start the same way. all the verbs are passive. they only use a simple sentence structure. this' just more than i can take. i'm basically going to have to rewrite the entire 50pp tome we're putting together. and you know i recognize that some of my comments weren't very nice in the email i sent this morning but it's just infuriating. this' a graduate level course; the students should be able to write at least one intelligent paragraph.
the best sentence in today's draft was, "the company needs to give them more intrinsic rewards." comment: you can't give intrinsic benefits.

seven

2008-04-11T14:13:00.001-07:00

so i'm on my way home this afternoon standing against the door on the L--i find the door-seat divider position to be optimal. it's the one of the only ways to fend off contact with others as it assures you privacy on two sides, leaving you only two to defend.
anyway so i'm minding my business on the train listening to chris isaak, i think he's wonderful, when i start looking around at people and notice a teenager's, what an unfortunate age group, skin travesty. there's this d bag wearing an abercrombie hat with a frightening mole below his jaw.
who wears an abercrombie hat? who wears abercrombie? i admit they were ok back in the 90s and i even own a pair of their sleepy pants that i bought in the 90s. (it's worth mentioning that even in their heyday i did not procure logo ridden pajama bottoms b/c, let's be honest, those were never in style). this hopeless kid is wearing a newly minted "fitch" hat creased just so. it really hurts me that he thinks this' chic and sends the desired aesthetic message about his person. i wanted to tell him that this is most definitely not the message to send but thought better of it.
as if the hat is not insulting enough, the boy had a mole the size of my pinky nail with lots of hairs growing underneath his jaw. i suppose this location saves it from the razor's path, which apparently isn't frequently run as his scraggly, pubic-hair beard would indicate.
this mole had seven hairs growing out of it. seven. more than a parody of a teacher w/ a huge mole on her face. more than uncle buck's niece's principal had on her chin. seven. it's obscene. they were all of differing length, too, with the longest hair around a centimeter. totally the most revolting thing ever. why would he not pluck it?! why would he think that's acceptable to have? he must see it in the mirror. it was so gross and he totally caught me gaping as he moved away from me and shot me fuck-off eyes.
he can hate me all he wants. it won't make up for the fact that his mole has seven hairs growing out of it.

mucus

2008-04-11T08:50:00.001-07:00

i think someone should really rethink nose blowing etiquette. i firmly support the no-nose-blowing-when-dining rule. it's repulsive to expel mucus out of your nasal passages over lobster bisque. why then is not considered distasteful to do so in the work place?
my mucus-laden colleague is a lovely guy. in all other respects he's consummately thoughtful and respectful. the consistent nose blowing though has to stop. if it were a demure activity, that would be one thing. if he seemed shamed by the process, i would be more able to forgive. but this incessant activity is shameless. it's an impassioned, full force effort. i don't even think it's crossed his mind that this borders on noise polution. the preliminary blow followed by a forceful nasal sound is really becoming too much for me to bear.
this must somehow be an hr violation like my other colleague who has a weekly nail trim at his desk. yesterday he asked his desk mate to lend him her scissors; he then proceeded to trim his nails on their shared space before scooping them into his trash bin. she had to excuse herself so she wouldn't gag.

moses

2008-04-11T08:11:00.001-07:00

glasses

2008-04-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

pulled my glass case out of my bag this morning, alas my frames were not inside. this has never happened to me before. i pride myself on being anal and avoiding embarrassing mishaps like this.
maybe moses took them.

berry

2008-04-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

i walked up berry last night to get dev after her bowling game. i guess i've never wandered around there so late at night b/c i was surprised at how vacant it was. this gunmetal car came flying down the road and i had the fleeting fear that if they wanted to abduct me they could do so easily. perhaps it's not normal to be so paranoid.

rachel yamagata

2008-04-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

i really like rachel yamagata. i used to listen to her stuff every day after i heard her on 'the oc'--i don't care if that's an embarrassing admission. her self-indulgence is irksome but then again everyone's is,.
her music reminds me of those reality shows when ppl go 'i've had such a hard life' or 'i've overcome so much,' my personal favorite. it's such bullshit. ppl can be so dramatic. it's hubris to think you're the only one who has problems.
moses' playing on the herringbone stool i just bought. he's tearing the crap out of it. should have known better--the felt ottoman fell prey to the same fate. before the stool, he was molesting this fake rat thing. it must've been a present from my mom. i don't remember seeing it b/f and i was getting all paranoid it was a real rat. clearly i didn't think that whole possibility through enough but whatever i'm fearful.
i was on the L tonight standing next to this guy w/ the most repulsive looking moles on the back of his neck. they looked like black mushroom clouds. i was staring at them and his friends kept catching me but i honestly couldn't help myself. i just kept wondering if he knew about them. at the very least his friends must know. they should be fired for not sending him to the dermatologist immediately to get those removed.
maybe that's mean of me. honesty's mean usually.
i used to have this friend i'd always say brutally honest things about other people to and she'd say sthg to the effect of oh you're so irreverent or that's so awful, all the while w/ a big smile on her face. i'd always say but it's only you i'm saying this to. after our bloody friend breakup, i used to wish i hadn't told her, i hadn't said it's only you all the time.

ram

2008-04-10T11:51:00.001-07:00

moses doesn't know but this' going to be his brother, ram

salad wrap

2008-04-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

i got a salad wrap for lunch today. i was really going out on a limb, moving away from my grilled chicken and hot sauce pressed wrap. unfortunately, the salad wrap failed to live up to the hype. in my naivety, i thought they would use all the lettuce; once i realized they weren't going to do that, it became clear this wasn't a salad wrap but a glorified extra lettuce wrap. they shouldn't even sell it b/c it's neither novel nor good. i should have known better than to trust the recommendation of my coworker who wears little tiny belts every day around her expanding waistline.

pancakes

2008-04-10T06:13:00.001-07:00

filled pancakes aren't appealing. the notion goes entirely against the pancake aesthetic.
why gild the lilly. pancakes are the perfect food. dev makes these tiny ones every saturday and they're really fantastic. they're easily my favorite food. they're like the reification of simple.
it offends me that ppl would want to pervert that simplicity by putting shit inside them. it's wrong.

8:43

2008-04-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

i was standing so close to the woman on the L today that her hair kept hitting me in the face. what if, god forbid, she has lice? i'd never thought about it, which i find sort of shocking and disappointing. i wonder how many ppl get lice from standing in close proximity on the train every day. maybe i should start wearing a hat. but then lice would just be sitting on my hat. this is reason to move.